Today’s Battle with Anxiety

Why is it such small things create such great anxiety within me?

It is Sunday and here I sit just before heading out for what should be a fun evening with my daughter to watch Roller Derby, yet I’m filled with anxiety.  I keep thinking, today I should have done something more productive.  Maybe trying to get ahead of things for work or done some painting on the bathroom project I’ve not touched in the last few weeks due to the craziness of work and the kid’s sports activities.  But after a long quarter end at work including working last weekend, I really wanted to just chill a bit today.  Spend some time with my daughter watching our newest obsession –  the show Fixer Upper (Chip & Joanna Gaines are adorable!) and reading a couple new books I’ve picked up.

But instead of relaxing and enjoying my chill-time I find myself starting to get a bit anxious thinking about the upcoming work week and all I need to get accomplished.  I then make the mistake of checking my email/calendar to confirm my meetings for tomorrow (first one is at 7am – ugh!)

I start to go through my emails quickly – I can delete the ones that are not needed and file the ones that are needed but don’t require action.  Get a head start on tomorrow.  I come across an email regarding an issue with the logic of something we recently implemented.  Something which did not get caught during testing.  And my perfectionist tendencies and that damn Bully that lives in my head make an appearance.  My anxiety grows as I berate myself for not having caught this myself earlier.  As I send off an email to get this resolved, my anxiety continues to grow and that Bully’s voice gets louder and louder.

I keep thinking I am making progress on myself and then I have something like this happen where the anxiety sweeps over me like a tidal wave, pulling me out into this Sea of Despair and Self Degradation.

This time though I tried something different. Recently I posted about how blogging has been helping me deal with my anxiety so I decided to take some positive action.  Rather than diving into work in an attempt to drown my anxiety in busyness (which never works) or sitting watching television pretending to relax while actually wallowing in my negative thoughts – I decided to journal/blog instead.

So, here I am, sharing with all of you.  Maybe someone else can relate and it will help you in some way.  Maybe not.  However, I can say that I already can feel the anxiety start to slip away as I realize these things don’t deserve the level of emotions I am expending on them.  This has helped me to put things back into realistic perspective.  And now it will allow me to actually enjoy my evening with my daughter.  My work will still be there waiting for me tomorrow morning.

What helps you to put your anxiety into perspective?

UPDATE:  The work issue was quickly resolved based on my email by our Systems team.  Easy Peasy.  And we did have a blast watching Roller Derby for the first time.  My daughter definitely wants to try it when she is old enough and we will probably go back to watch more.  See – tons of anxiety yesterday for absolutely no good reason.  (As if there is ever a good reason to be anxious!)  Ugh!  When will I get this figured out?!


4 thoughts on “Today’s Battle with Anxiety

  1. When I worked at the Aberdeen Burger King in high school, Whoppers went to 99 cents on a long term promotion. The first day it was insane. The drive thru was backed up onto the highway and the dining room line went out the doorIt was so busy that we actually had to stop taking orders to let the kitchen catch up.

    That night, I called my Mom to complain about my horrible day. She gave me some really good advice that up has carried me through in other areas of my life.

    Unbeknownst to me, my Mom had worked in the chow hall at the Presidio in San Francisco. She said when the ships would come in she would get a line of sailors farther than she could see and they were all hungry for some good chow. She told me how it would make her anxiety go through the roof until someone told her to just focus on the sailor in front of her and ignore the rest.

    I do this with tasks and other overwhelming things. I make a prioritized list and just do the best I can to do one thing at a time. I had to train myself to realize that I can only do as much as I can do, but that’s where the focusing only on what’s in front of you comes into play.

    My work now is very fast paced and right now we are in crunch time for our annual conference that we put on, so I’m constantly reminding myself to just get thru one thing at a time and triage the rest.

    We are not getting any younger, taking time to “smell the roses” is not wasted time, it’s an important thing too! It’s important to recharge!

    I think it’s inherently difficult for us Moms to stop and take time for ourselves without feeling guilty, but your kids are older and don’t need as much of your time now, so use that time for YOU and don’t allow yourself to feel guilty about it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A friend actually told me about that book – The Magnolia Story – which is what got me looking for the show. When I was going through my mini mid-life crisis the beginning of the year a friend had recommended the book to read. So far I’m really liking it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Em

    This was pretty much my weekend. I had many fun plans, and consequently no time for errands. When I don’t get organized on the weekend, I feel scattered all over the weekdays. But if I run only errands and not do anything fun, I also get anxious. Much teeth grinding and lip biting this weekend. So today I will make some lists and get organized so that my squeaking brain will shut up.

    Liked by 3 people

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