Why is it such small things create such great anxiety within me?
It is Sunday and here I sit just before heading out for what should be a fun evening with my daughter to watch Roller Derby, yet I’m filled with anxiety. I keep thinking, today I should have done something more productive. Maybe trying to get ahead of things for work or done some painting on the bathroom project I’ve not touched in the last few weeks due to the craziness of work and the kid’s sports activities. But after a long quarter end at work including working last weekend, I really wanted to just chill a bit today. Spend some time with my daughter watching our newest obsession – the show Fixer Upper (Chip & Joanna Gaines are adorable!) and reading a couple new books I’ve picked up.
But instead of relaxing and enjoying my chill-time I find myself starting to get a bit anxious thinking about the upcoming work week and all I need to get accomplished. I then make the mistake of checking my email/calendar to confirm my meetings for tomorrow (first one is at 7am – ugh!)
I start to go through my emails quickly – I can delete the ones that are not needed and file the ones that are needed but don’t require action. Get a head start on tomorrow. I come across an email regarding an issue with the logic of something we recently implemented. Something which did not get caught during testing. And my perfectionist tendencies and that damn Bully that lives in my head make an appearance. My anxiety grows as I berate myself for not having caught this myself earlier. As I send off an email to get this resolved, my anxiety continues to grow and that Bully’s voice gets louder and louder.
I keep thinking I am making progress on myself and then I have something like this happen where the anxiety sweeps over me like a tidal wave, pulling me out into this Sea of Despair and Self Degradation.
This time though I tried something different. Recently I posted about how blogging has been helping me deal with my anxiety so I decided to take some positive action. Rather than diving into work in an attempt to drown my anxiety in busyness (which never works) or sitting watching television pretending to relax while actually wallowing in my negative thoughts – I decided to journal/blog instead.
So, here I am, sharing with all of you. Maybe someone else can relate and it will help you in some way. Maybe not. However, I can say that I already can feel the anxiety start to slip away as I realize these things don’t deserve the level of emotions I am expending on them. This has helped me to put things back into realistic perspective. And now it will allow me to actually enjoy my evening with my daughter. My work will still be there waiting for me tomorrow morning.
What helps you to put your anxiety into perspective?
UPDATE: The work issue was quickly resolved based on my email by our Systems team. Easy Peasy. And we did have a blast watching Roller Derby for the first time. My daughter definitely wants to try it when she is old enough and we will probably go back to watch more. See – tons of anxiety yesterday for absolutely no good reason. (As if there is ever a good reason to be anxious!) Ugh! When will I get this figured out?!