WARNING: This post is a bit rambling. Proceed with caution and at your own risk. You may get lost along the way and I can not be held accountable for where you end up!
It is kind of sad to admit, but I’ve been living my life not accepting the reality of the world around me and the people in it. And by doing so I’ve caused myself a lot of anxiety, frustration and exhaustion that could have been avoided.
I think my poor therapist has been trying to get this through to me for awhile now. Our last session we kind of got into this a bit. We talked about how I see the world and specifically my actions as Good or Bad – but sometimes it is okay to be Neutral. In fact it is required!
Today this came back to the forefront while I was talking with a friend. She gave me some advice that was very good – and for whatever reason really hit home for me that I’ve been living my life being upset about how the reality of the world around me is not in line with what I think it should be and how by doing so I cause my own issues.
Before I get into that more – here is what she said to me.
“On thing I learned, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Then you know what to expect from them and you don’t get blindsided…and then if you get more from them than you expect, it is a pleasant surprise!”
Very wise advice and it made that light bulb above my head go off. For example – at work – my philosophy is to get a job done, do it well and find what is best for as many people as possible. When I come across people whose focus is more on covering their own ass and taking as much credit as they can – I get frustrated. That is understandable. But to be healthy I need to acknowledge this frustration and then figure out how to move on and how to work around this person. I’m realizing though that I tend to get stuck. I’m stuck on the fact that it is unfair and not best for everyone that this person is operating in this way. I also get stuck on the fact that this person sees me through their reality many times and is not seeing my true intentions. That drives me insane when someone accuses me of acting in a not so honest or forthright manner when I know my intentions are pure.
The reality though is dwelling on this won’t change it and it won’t fix it. I need to acknowledge it, accept it and figure out how to move on despite it. The acceptance part is where I am getting stuck.
And it is not just work life. It is in all aspects of my life. I have a really hard time accepting the reality of the world and moving on despite it. I see the world and operate in Black & White, I see all my actions as being Good or Bad – but in reality the world is GRAY, and sometimes I need to be NEUTRAL. And I have to learn to live in a GRAY world, be NEUTRAL at times and be okay with that. I don’t have to like it, but I do have to ACCEPT it.
Much easier said than done – but I hope the fact that I’m acknowledging this will help me to move forward. It is probably something that is very obvious to others, but it is a bit of a new breakthrough for me. Now that I am aware of this about myself, I can try to start catching myself when I find myself wallowing in the mud made up of my disillusions. I can start to work on rinsing myself off and finding a way around the mud hole rather than sitting in it frustrated because I’m covered in shit!
So boys and girls – those are our words for the week – ACCEPTANCE, GRAY and NEUTRAL!