Short Circuit Mom

Ok Moms, let’s get real.  And that is a warning to any moms who have it all together and never want to strangle their offspring – you may want to keep scrolling and not read this any further.  Unless you want to get all mad and self-righteous.  Then go ahead and be my guest and keep reading.

I mentioned yesterday that I’ve been overwhelmed and in a bit of a depression.  For me, the down times always seem to come when I’m overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of being an adult, a wife and a mom and the lack of appreciation which is a normal part of that roll.  I get to a point where enough is enough and I short circuit.  I start to be resentful and I just want someone to give me a big long time out.  And for someone to do all my work while I’m in that time out so I don’t have to come back to all the crap that is piling up.  But this is reality and that never happens.  I can let myself wallow for a little bit but then I have to pull myself up out of the muck and keep moving on.

So that is where I’ve been.  Our life is kind of crazy at times already.  I had thought having a role where I could work from home would help – and it does in a lot of ways.  However, in a lot of ways it is added stress as well.  So it all balances out I guess.  However, the last couple months have been extra crazy.  I kept telling people to give me to the end of June because then things will get back to the normal crazy instead of the crazy crazy.

At one point a couple weeks ago, everything was just hitting me all at once and I hit my breaking point.  Then on top of it, I tried to vent to the wrong person – rather than letting me just rant this person took it personally and basically attacked me back.  WHOA!!  That pushed me over the edge.  I actually walked out of my house and seriously contemplated for a few moments what it would be like to just keep walking and not come back.

Now, I would never actually do that.  And even if I did, I would eventually come off my anger cloud and realize I miss the little buggers at home who had pushed me over the cliff.  The reality is, I do what I do and put up with what I do because I’m crazy in love with all of them.  And a good portion of the stress on me is of my own creation.  After I rant for a bit I always come back to this realization.  I think it is just what we do as moms.  We put everything on ourselves and burn ourselves out.

So why am I writing all this?  Honestly, I’m not quite sure.  Maybe I just need to get it all out.  That is how I let things go.  And I want other moms who are at this point right now to know it is okay.  We all end up here at times.  Even those who don’t want to admit to it.  It does not make us a bad mom or wife.  We are just human.  We get overwhelmed, we get stressed, we short circuit and we have a pity party.  Sometimes we walk away and seriously contemplate not stopping.  We think about what it would be like to get a little studio apartment over someone’s garage and become a hermit for a few days, months or years.  And you know what- that is okay too.  Blow off some steam, rant and rave, cry and rage.  Get it out because none of us can hold all that in without an outlet.  You are a good mom.  You are a good wife.  You are a good person.  You just have bad moments and you are human.  Just like me.

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