The Fear of Being You

What about this theory, the fear of not being enough, and the fear of being ‘too much’ are exactly the same fear.  the fear of being you.  @Nayyirah.Waheed

This came up in my Instagram feed today and really hit home with me.  “The fear of being you.”  Why do I fear being me and showing the real me to the world?

I am a performer.  Not a ‘get on a stage and put on a show’ performer.  I am a person who has lived my life with the core belief that  I have to perform or do something to be worthy of love and acceptance.  I have to perform to make myself worthy of other people’s time, attention and affection.

If you are also a performer, you know exactly how torturous this can be.  Just how much anxiety it creates in your life.  You are never sure if you’ve done enough to earn or deserve love and acceptance.  And you know that even if you have, it is temporary and you must continue to perform to keep that love and acceptance.  If you do start to feel some pride in your accomplishments you then worry about being ‘too much’.  Are you being obnoxious and arrogant?  Have you now lost the love and acceptance you’ve worked so hard to earn because you have made too big of a deal about your performance? Continue reading “The Fear of Being You”

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The Journey Begins

SO…this is the post where I’m supposed to introduce myself and the purpose of my blog.  But let’s be honest, most people will never read this post.  Even if this blog somehow goes viral in the next year or so, nobody is going to come back to this post most likely.  Plus, I always follow the rules and try to be perfect and the whole point of this blog is for me to step out and do something different.  And the biggest reason for me to not follow the traditional route with this first post – quite frankly – it is BORING!!

If you don’t already know me then one of two things is going to happen.  One, you will like my writing or at least find it interesting enough to come back to and in the process you will get to know me over time.  OR you won’t find this worth your while to revisit (maybe I’ve already lost you and you are not even reading anymore).  Honestly, if the latter is the case – do either of us really care if you ever get to know me?  I think not!

With that being said – let’s just skip the introduction. Continue reading “The Journey Begins”